Here's a few songs I've recently done with GarageBand for iOS. While one of my musical friends keeps telling me I'm limited by what the software/hardware can do/allows, it's a fun pastime.
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
March 22, 2020
May 6, 2019
Jail Mail Poem
by James Guhn
Written on November 27, 2016
I scan inmate mail, reading men’s rhyme attempts,
And think to myself, “these poor girls: getting gypped.”
They drone on and still more about lovin’ and missin’,
With every cliché about huggin’ and kissin’.
With every cliché about huggin’ and kissin’.
From her neck to her nethers, saying things not polite,
These men of the jail think their ladies delight.
But all I can hope is these women turn ill,
As my stomach contents, my mouth they do fill.
Please stop writing nonsense ‘bout your lady’s looks.
When all you are asking is for money on your books.
And if she’s too foolish to see through your con,
Remember she’s sleeping with others while you’re gone.
Remember she’s sleeping with others while you’re gone.
January 5, 2017
It Was A Rough Night In The County Jail
It was a normal night, working in the county jail. We had a full staff, allowing me to work as a rovering officer for the evening, free to move about the facility to assist in any fashion I deemed needed. I was productive, while not finding the work too strenuous.
As the half way point of my shift approached, with all the inmates off to bed, dreaming of freedom while snoring and relieving bodily pressures, I knew the opportunity had arrived to take advantage of the facility’s gym equipment. Leg day seemed the best course, as its place in the rotation of my routine had arrived months ago. First up, sumo squats. One set, then leg lifts. A second and third set, with leg lifts following each. I moved on to lunges. First set down.
Then it happened. It got hot but I couldn't sweat. I got nauseous. I put my cold water bottle on the back of my neck. It didn't result in the desired outcome. Hotter and hotter; I could feel myself getting overheated. I moved into the locker room to splash cold water on my neck and face. I finally began to sweat; only it wasn't a good sweat. I began to shake. Hotter and still hotter, my core temperature was reaching the all to critical boiling point. Beads of sweat began to pour down my face. Shaking and sweating and nauseous, I moved to the trash can.
I felt my stomach and chest heave as the contents therein began to fill the trash can. The sound of my heaving filled the locker room and moved out into the weight room. My partner, concerned for my well-being, rushed to my rescue only to find me in a state of distress he was not equipped to assist in. Wanting to help, he asked questions to determine a course of action he could take. But I was unable to answer, as still more evacuation of my innards were spilled into the restroom's receptacle.
Minutes went by as my body began to relax back into a state of control. As I slowly recovered, I began to tell him I'd be alright, all the while realizing my pride would not be so quick to relinquish the shame I felt. Okay, yeah. I puked at work. #embarrassing #fatty
As the half way point of my shift approached, with all the inmates off to bed, dreaming of freedom while snoring and relieving bodily pressures, I knew the opportunity had arrived to take advantage of the facility’s gym equipment. Leg day seemed the best course, as its place in the rotation of my routine had arrived months ago. First up, sumo squats. One set, then leg lifts. A second and third set, with leg lifts following each. I moved on to lunges. First set down.
Then it happened. It got hot but I couldn't sweat. I got nauseous. I put my cold water bottle on the back of my neck. It didn't result in the desired outcome. Hotter and hotter; I could feel myself getting overheated. I moved into the locker room to splash cold water on my neck and face. I finally began to sweat; only it wasn't a good sweat. I began to shake. Hotter and still hotter, my core temperature was reaching the all to critical boiling point. Beads of sweat began to pour down my face. Shaking and sweating and nauseous, I moved to the trash can.
I felt my stomach and chest heave as the contents therein began to fill the trash can. The sound of my heaving filled the locker room and moved out into the weight room. My partner, concerned for my well-being, rushed to my rescue only to find me in a state of distress he was not equipped to assist in. Wanting to help, he asked questions to determine a course of action he could take. But I was unable to answer, as still more evacuation of my innards were spilled into the restroom's receptacle.
Minutes went by as my body began to relax back into a state of control. As I slowly recovered, I began to tell him I'd be alright, all the while realizing my pride would not be so quick to relinquish the shame I felt. Okay, yeah. I puked at work. #embarrassing #fatty
October 19, 2014
Drum Battle, USA vs Korea
This is great on a few levels. I love the respect for each other and the amazing performances of each drum line. I also love the USA Marines taking it to a whole different level.
July 19, 2014
My YouTube History...Because I Don't Have Time To Blog 3 (Vacation Tweets Edition)
I was on vacation this last week and I got through a log of reading from the blogs I follow. I also saw a lot of funny videos, I thought I'd share. Here we go with another installment of "My YouTube History".
Didn't know about this side of Brian. "Brian Williams interview on David Letterman" http://t.co/wlTQNNNEFC via @youtube
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 17, 2014
Exclusive "Weird Al" Yankovic Music Video: FOIL (Parody of "Royals" by Lorde) http://t.co/vgIFClEjsN via @youtube
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 16, 2014
"Weird Al" Yankovic - Word Crimes http://t.co/0xb7l3fkHU via @youtube
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 15, 2014
"Heaven" by @depechemode using Garage Band for iOS. http://t.co/2YzATxJqxs
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 14, 2014
No, not really. "Leaked Star Wars Episode VII Filmset Footage! http://t.co/jZc0rYNtBe via @youtube"
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 11, 2014
Toy Wars http://t.co/NQzJnnuRwM via @youtube
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) July 8, 2014
Amazing. Haha. "How To Make A Hit Pop Song http://t.co/vaKPD88KZV via @youtube"
— Jimmy the Gun (@jimmythegun) June 28, 2014
May 29, 2014
My YouTube History...Because I Don't Have Time To Blog 2
I had to start with this one, I tweeted on May 18th.
This is cool.
Acapella done acapella.
A little "pick me up" sent from @techyted
I may be getting a little tired of Nataly's voice, because there is a little too much of the same muted sound, but I feel like this sound she sounds really good.
Because it's funny that these guys did this.
These guys are just such talented musicians. They make me want my piano back so bad.
"With the growing trend..."
Lucky or Unlucky?
Engrish is hard.
Are you kidding me?
This is stupid and crazy.
This is cool.
Acapella done acapella.
A little "pick me up" sent from @techyted
I may be getting a little tired of Nataly's voice, because there is a little too much of the same muted sound, but I feel like this sound she sounds really good.
Because it's funny that these guys did this.
These guys are just such talented musicians. They make me want my piano back so bad.
"With the growing trend..."
Lucky or Unlucky?
Engrish is hard.
Are you kidding me?
This is stupid and crazy.
February 2, 2013
My YouTube History...Because I Don't Have Time To Blog
I've wanted to post so many things to my blog, but I don't ever have time anymore. And, because I make absolutely no money sitting at a computer writing my opinion, the blogging takes a backseat to the rest of my life. But, in the interest of sharing some finds with my few followers, here are some videos from my YouTube History.
Depeche Mode has a new album coming the end of March. Here is their first released video.
Here is Joe Getty from the "Armstrong and Getty Show" (on AM Talk 650) confirming that he can easily make a 37 yard field goal, unlike David Akers of the 49ers, who missed one in the NFC championship game. Sure, Akers kicked a 63-yarder and tied the NFL record or something, but he missed the easy one.
Don't run from the police in Slavic countries.
The Trombone was never cooler, except when Commander Riker played his on Star Trek.
My next Ford? I would love to drive an F150 again, and this concept is sweet.
What cold is in Los Angeles looks silly to the rest of the USA.
Now this is a video. It's Fresh from Bel-Air.
Do not try this. Double BMW Donuts.
Cool, crazy things people do.
Audi is about to make Google Maps, Earth, and Search part of its cars. This video was made by my favorite car company using Google Maps/Street View.
The science of Guiness beer can really be hyped, to the point of making it seem like it's one of the wonders of the world. Of course, it makes it look like it tastes amazing.
Science is fun. Should you run or walk in the rain?
Depeche Mode has a new album coming the end of March. Here is their first released video.
Here is Joe Getty from the "Armstrong and Getty Show" (on AM Talk 650) confirming that he can easily make a 37 yard field goal, unlike David Akers of the 49ers, who missed one in the NFC championship game. Sure, Akers kicked a 63-yarder and tied the NFL record or something, but he missed the easy one.
Don't run from the police in Slavic countries.
The Trombone was never cooler, except when Commander Riker played his on Star Trek.
My next Ford? I would love to drive an F150 again, and this concept is sweet.
What cold is in Los Angeles looks silly to the rest of the USA.
Now this is a video. It's Fresh from Bel-Air.
Do not try this. Double BMW Donuts.
Cool, crazy things people do.
Audi is about to make Google Maps, Earth, and Search part of its cars. This video was made by my favorite car company using Google Maps/Street View.
The science of Guiness beer can really be hyped, to the point of making it seem like it's one of the wonders of the world. Of course, it makes it look like it tastes amazing.
Science is fun. Should you run or walk in the rain?
October 19, 2012
Romney Steals The Show...Comedy Gold
This is MY blog and therefore leans towards one of the candidates over the other, but if you don't find Romney's speech an example of great comedic timing and joke content, you are clueless. For the sake of some fairness and comparison, I've also included Obama's speech, which is also entertaining.
Romney's first.
Here's Obama's. I really like the shot he takes at Mayor Bloomberg.
Romney's first.
Here's Obama's. I really like the shot he takes at Mayor Bloomberg.
August 18, 2012
Gotye Created A Mash-up of Parodies of His Song
Goyte took a bunch of YouTube videos of people recreating his song "Somebody I Used to Know" and mashed them together in this great video.
July 19, 2012
Amazon Yesterday Shipping (VIDEO)
This is awesome. But, it really helps if you were a Star Trek fan and you understand the Space-time continuum. It all really makes sense if you understand that. Yes. Yes is does.
July 9, 2012
Cello Wars...cheesy but good (VIDEO)
This is Cello Wars.
Yes, it's cheesy. But I think I'm more entertained by this guys ability to incorporate multiple parts of John Williams music from across the franchise.
Yes, it's cheesy. But I think I'm more entertained by this guys ability to incorporate multiple parts of John Williams music from across the franchise.
July 2, 2012
The Star Wars That I Used To Know (VIDEO)
This is really funny for us Original Star Wars fans. It's Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" redone to complain about how lame George Lucas is for making Episodes 1-3 in the way he did.
If you haven't seen Gotye's original, here it is:
If you haven't seen Gotye's original, here it is:
March 7, 2012
February 18, 2012
Facebook Is Really A CIA Information Gathering Program
This is eye opening. I didn't realize the CIA was running Facebook through Agent Mark Zuckerberg codenamed "The Overlord".
HA.
The Onion is so clever.
HA.
The Onion is so clever.
January 27, 2012
Kinect Star Wars...Yeah, I Need An XBOX Now (VIDEO)
So it may be time for me to get an XBOX. Wait and you'll see why.
Thanks @shirleyface.
January 19, 2012
Reporter Interrupted for Report Ruining The Fun
My favorite part of this video is the new desk guy's response at the end.
January 14, 2012
The "Dumbest Stuff (People Do) On Wheels"
This is some crazy stupid stuff. If you have a weak stomach, you may not want to watch.
November 23, 2011
Running From the Police...Fail
This is awesome. Apparently, this guy running from the cops, thought he could scale the police SUV, but fails Listen for his head cracking on the street after he is tackled by the officer. He'll down for a while.
September 17, 2011
Star Trek Is Better Than Star Wars...Says William Shatner
Star Trek is better than Star Wars. Captain Kirk explains why.
He actually makes some really good points and I tend to agree. It is a superior franchise, with better stories, told with more drama, better writing, and believable situations...well believable for the future. The science in Star Trek is better.
Anyway, Bill explains it much better.
Tweet
He actually makes some really good points and I tend to agree. It is a superior franchise, with better stories, told with more drama, better writing, and believable situations...well believable for the future. The science in Star Trek is better.
Anyway, Bill explains it much better.
Tweet
August 18, 2011
Anderson Cooper's Punny Laughter
Well, if you didn't hear about this today (or listen to a clip of it on your favorite radio show), Anderson Cooper cracked himself up yesterday. His laugh? Well it was funny itself, and is why it's getting so much press. As a person who has experienced the uncontrollable laugh on occasion, and been embarrassed by the sounds I've made, I can actually appreciate this and I find it rather humorous.
I will say, Anderson's need to explain all the puns in his editorial on this idiot who urinated on a plane sort of ruined the flow of his humorous schpeel. But the laugh brought it home.
I will say, Anderson's need to explain all the puns in his editorial on this idiot who urinated on a plane sort of ruined the flow of his humorous schpeel. But the laugh brought it home.
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