Ever since the destruction of the Sacramento metropolitan area's best church (in my opinion of course), First Baptist of Auburn, when the horrible decision was made to split apart a church family that had both mature and immature Christians, with both differing levels of spiritual discernment and leadership, combined with the hearts of both men of God and men of self, I haven't been on a very good path in my own spiritual life. During my vacation last month, I had the pleasure of watching my Uncle Terry, my mother's youngest sibling, take charge in the absence of my Grandfather as sort of the "spiritual leader" on my mother's side of the family. He called us all to have evening devotions during our vacation. They were no longer than 30 minutes of song, scripture, and prayer; and although this was a low key time of family worship, I was so impressed and impacted by this time, I decided to implement it in my own family. My wife, kids, and I have a time each night now, where we sing spiritual songs (not just hymns), we read the Bible (I started with John, since every pastor I know has taught through this book 18 million times. I'm an exaggerator, see best church comment above), and we pray as a family.
The point is, I miss this being central in my life, not just the music ministry I was involved in at FBC, but really being in God's word consistently, praying, and working on living as though I am actually saved. ARGH!!! I hate my sin. I recorded this video with my iPhone, at a hotel in Redding, while staying there for a work related visit as people were walking in and out of the lobby (it was a little awkward). But with the loss of access to my piano, it's the only chance I get to play. I took a binder of songs on the last trip, which included many that I've written or arrange, and this one jumped out at me. I quickly, in one take, laid down this really rough version, hoping to use it more to remind myself of what I loved doing so much. I honestly miss music ministry so badly, but feel disqualified these days. Sin is awful. And, I don't know if it's that I'm sinning more or realizing my sin more, but I'm frustrated with it and need to find the hope that only comes from Christ. Often, I'm finding myself so far away from how I know he calls me to live, that the truth of my own salvation pops up as a reoccurring question. I know He truly is the Rock of salvation, and reading John reminds me of the fact that Jesus, the Word, who was with God in the beginning, and breathed life into all creation, came to earth to die a horrible death, after perfectly living only about as long as I've lived, and paying of the sins I commit every single day. And yet, knowing these facts, I continue to live in a way that makes people hate me, fear me, attack me, and NOT see God in me. I'm gross.
So here are the great words to this song:
On Christ the Solid Rock
Words by Edward Mote and William B. Bradbury
Music by Jeremy Burch
My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name
On Christ the solid rock, I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
When darkness veils His lovely face I rest on His unchanging grace
In every high and stormy gale my anchor holds within the veil
When He shall come with trumpet sound, O may I then in Him be found
Dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne