I'm really tire of the frustrations of life. There are too many for me to handle. I want to have a carefree attitude about the things that drive me crazy, but I don't. I'm really tired of sins, in my own life first, but in others too. I hate sin. I hate its draw and the initial attraction we have to it. I hate that the effects of sin are life long. Even if forgiveness is given and understood, there are consequences that last our lifetime. People's searching for satisfaction in life in everything except what God has promised to give through faith is so massive, so beyond what any of us can understand. Sin causes such major decisions and actions in people that our world has depravity beyond what is okay to even talk about here. So called Christians are perverting faith and religion and holiness and worship to where we can't even recognize what is right and wrong anymore. We are blending the lines between Christian religion and worldly "goodness" to make people comfortable with who they are and the sins the commit.
I'm so tired of being a fake Christian. I'm so tired of failing day after day after day. I'm tired of being mad at myself for my hate and anger and frustrations. I'm tired of blending in with the non-Christians, getting advice from their worldly perspective, living a life not focused on Christ, being able to hide my faith, living as though I have no faith. I am tired.
1 Corinthians 1:26-31 talks about God choosing what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, what is weak in the world to shame the strong, and what is low and despised in the world to bring to nothing things that are. God did this so no human can boast in the presence of God. My wisdom needs to be Jesus Christ. I need to work hard at knowing God's will and Christ's saving grace. All this crap in the world is nothing. Sins consequence is paid for. IT IS SO UNDESERVED, and that's where the falling on my face and crying out for forgiveness and striving to live a holy life comes from, but I'm not going to be able to do it. Sin is too powerful in the life of a human being. Understanding God's grace more and more will help me avoid the sin, but the temptation will still be there. The fact that we are all surrounded by sin all day, every day, will never go away on this earth. Instead, we must fill our minds with the wisdom of Christ crucified to save us from the sin of the world.
One point of clarification: I do not think that God can use me in my sinful state. I must live a holy, acceptable, blameless life to be a light to this dark world. I only think that my sin makes me a lowly foolish weakling; and therefore, God can use me if He so chooses, just like the sinful men that surrounded Christ, or like David or Moses or any of the men of the Bible, besides Jesus. Sin is part of our human nature and is going to happen. Our faith that God has forgiven that sin and will continue to forgive our future sins is the key to overcoming sin. By understanding grace more, we will understand holiness more.