March 23, 2008

Band Dork!

I was in the band. I played the saxophone and was even the drum major my 8th grade year. I entered high school and joined for my freshman year. Then it happened. I realized all the "cool" kids were no longer in the band. What happened? Why didn't I get the memo about band being for the dorks?

I ended up quiting after my freshman year. I played in a keyboard class my sophomore year with a couple of nerdy friends. We were actually the most talented 3 in the class, writing original music and performing in front of the class. Jon, one of my fellow dorks, even wrote sequenced music on a keyboard that was good enough, I thought, for us to have a musical future. We would have been like our favorite band, Depeche Mode. I would have been the lead singer, in my mind, because I had the best voice. And Jon would have been like Martin L. Gore, the real talent of Depeche Mode, writing most of the songs and singing the incredible harmonies.

But to the point of this post. If the band was cool enough to carry weapons, like this pirate-like gun made from a clarinet...
...maybe people wouldn't have picked on the band's members so often. Of course, it would need to shot real bullets so people wouldn't use the band instrument turned firearm as a jumping off point for more jokes and punishment. I mean, think about it. If you are a goofy looking awkward kid, with a silly looking pirate gun you made in your basement using your personal soldering gun and some small hand tools you use to build your models, you better have loaded that puppy with some high caliber ammo to ward off the school's bullies and popular crowd. At least be able to fire a few warning shots to scare off those jerks. Right? Right? Penny throwing losers! (no bad memories here.)

So, the next time you are laughing at the large tuba player playing the "um-pah, um-pah" bass line as he waddles across the field, or you think to yourself, "How does that girl play the flute with her braces and massive head gear?", think twice about how far you take your teasing, because the clarinet section might be "packing heat."

Story from Gizmodo.


  1. The other guys only picked on you all because they were jealous. I mean, they didn't know how to play an instrument. Don'tcha think? Do you ever talk to Jon?

  2. I dropped band before high school, but only because we lost the good band teacher and got a junky one. I think I still have a "mix tape" of some of Jon's music - very DM (also my favorite!). Saxophone's rule!