January 21, 2010

I Can't Sleep

I'm so out of the habit of writing my blogs that I feel I'm losing the ability to write them clear enough to understand. I don't believe I'm really that good of a writer to begin with, but it seems like it's getting increasingly harder to do. I almost feel like there may be something medically wrong with me due to sleep issues. I think I'm having some major sleep issues that are causing all sorts of issues. My frustration with everything in life has grow to proportions that I can't handle. I have absolutely no patience and I can't focus on anything.

Not only do I grind my teeth at night (and I do wear a mouth guard to help), I think I stop breathing anytime I fall asleep. Then, that wakes me up. I would bet I wake up over 20 times a night with this. I keep saying I need to go to a doctor, but I really think it is time to find one that helps with this.

I say all this today because I feel like not just my work life is suffering, but my personal life is too. I don't want to be like I am, and I pray about it all the time. I know that God can answer prayers, but at what point do I stop waiting for the miraculous healing power of God and go to a doctor? I'm only hoping this sleep thing is part of my issue. I constantly pray about my anger and frustration, but I don't feel like anything is changing. My dad says he thinks it has to do with me always wanting to be in control of everything. While that may be true, I'm so tired of these problems, I just want it to be fix. My wife says I still harbor a bunch of bitterness about losing my job with the county. That feels more true because I feel so unjustly terminated. But even that doesn't seem like something that would push me the levels of frustration I'm at. Some people say I should work out. Some say more prayer. Some say it is God building patience in me. I think all of these things are probably part of it, but I still do not want to be the crazy man I'm becoming.

Today's passage is going to have to wait for tomorrow now. I wrote all that I'm feeling and dealing with today. I'll call it a prayer request.

Praise God for His Faithfulness.
Praise God for the sins His Son bore for us.